für Kinder, Anfänger und Fortgeschrittene (Beta)
Teacher: "Johnny, who gave you that black eye?"
Johnny: "Nobody gave it to me. I had to fight for it."
Were your parents married before you were born?
Yes, my father was married, my mother was not.
Jim: "Keep your dog away from me!"
Bibi: "Don't you know the proverb 'A barking dog never bites'?"
Jim: "Yes, but does your dog know the proverb?"
"What did you get for your birthday?"
"I got a trumpet, and it's the best present I ever got..."
"My Dad gives me 5 € a week not to blow it!"
Teacher: "Now, Benny, what did your father say about your school report?"
Benny: "Shall I leave out the swearwords?"
Teacher: "Of course!"
Benny: "Well then, he didn't say anything."
"Dad, where are the Himalayas?"
"Ask your mother. She puts everything away."
Woman: "Give me my bill for my hotel room, please."
Receptionist: "Here is your bill, madam."
Woman: "And call me a taxi."
Receptionist: "Very well. You are a taxi."
"Who is your favourite author, Bill?"
"What does he write?"
What did the candle say to other candle?
"Are you going out tonight?"
Little Mary was on a train with her mother when suddenly she started to whisper in her mother's ear.
"Mary," said her mother sharply, "how many times have I told you it's impolite to whisper. If you've got anything to say, say it out loud."
"All right," said Mary, "why has that man got such big ears?"
A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'
"Benny, what are you doing out there in the rain?"
Susan: "Do you write with your left hand or your right hand?"
Mary: "My right hand. What about you?"
Susan: "I usually use a pen."
"I thought you weren't going to smoke any more."
"But you're smoking as much as ever."
"Well, that's not more, is it?"
Index and table are reading a book "index-sutra"
Table: Oh, baby tonight we can try a clustered position"
Index: "yeah baby, we can also try covered position"
Table: "or maybe multiple clustered position"
Index: "baby, yes, that’s the one. i’m just gonna call my friends"
Susan: "There isn't any water in your swimming-pool."
John: "I know. I can't swim."
Mary: "I saw ten people under one small umbrella on the beach. But they didn't get wet."
John: "Why not?"
Mary: "It wasn't raining!."
Man in the clothes shop: "Can I try that blue suit in the window?"
Manager: "No, Sir, you'll have to use the changing room like everyone else."
It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school.
The teacher starts off with a role call...
Teacher: SQL Server?
Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
[In rushes MySQL, unshaven, hair a mess]
Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
"Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"
Angry teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Lazy pupil: "Well, I saw the sign in the street that said 'School - ahead - go slow'!"